Playgroup invitations - how not to sound like a serial killer when inviting women or non gender binary folks to play Magic.

A woman goes to a private residence to a private party with seven men. While she was on nodding terms with some of them, she really didn't know any of them particularly well. Sounds like the start of a news story, right? That woman's going to come to some kind of harm, and then people will ask her what she was thinking going home with a bunch of dudes she didn't know very well.

Well, that's exactly what I did last night. I went to draft with a new playgroup of guys, some of whom I met at the local gaming shop. I had a great time and didn't come to any harm at all (apart from my 1-2 record), but I had some serious second thoughts about attending. It wasn't just me either - my partner was quite worried about my safety - particularly as he was working and wouldn't be able to come to my aid if I needed it.

Even though there were all the pieces in place for me to not be afraid, I was still pretty wary. So if you're wanting to invite someone who's not a dude to your all-dude playgroup, think about some of the following to help you make your playgroup a more welcoming place, regardless of gender identity.

Be the kind of person non binary people and women want to play with

Women and non-binary folks can get all kinds of unwanted attention at the game store. While it might be that nothing's said, when you walk into a store and feel a bunch of eyes on you, you're going to feel uncomfortable, even unsafe.

The vast majority of women and non-binary folks are at a Magic event to play Magic. They sure as hell aren't there to pick up, and they probably are more interested in talking about their sweet new Jaces rather than how its great that women/non binary folks can play magic now. (Trust us, we know.)

In addition, if you have half naked women on your slips or playmat, you're sending a signal that you are ok with publicly objectifying women. If you're OK with being seen in public to be playing to some of the very worst stereotypes of MTG culture, what might you do in private? Other people will make assessments on what they see of you in public, so if you want to be welcoming, think about the messages you're sending, both verbal or not verbal. If you've made a woman or non-binary person feel uncomfortable in a store, chances are there's not a way in hell they're going to want to hang out with you and a bunch of dudes in a private context.

Location, Location, Location

A huge recommendation is: if at all possible, invite a newbie to a playgroup meeting in a public place - such as at your local gaming store, a pub or another public location. Think of this like a first date - you wouldn't go on a first date with someone in a private venue such as a house, as there are too many unknowns. It might not be OK with the store owner if you want to draft with your own cards in their store, and you might need to find somewhere else to play if that's the case - but if you can make it a public location, this gives any women or non-binary players the peace of mind that they can leave any time they want to if they feel uncomfortable.

If there's simply no other choice, and you need to play at someone's house, make sure that it's clear that they can bring a friend if they want to. Also, if they are texting throughout the session, don't be offended that they are not paying attention to the game - they may be updating a friend that they are safe and don't need any assistance.

By being a bit understanding of some of the safety and comfort issues that non binary folks and women face, you are going to make it a lot easier to get women and non-binary people involved in your local community. 

Want to hear what the Worst Oracle sounds like?

I was lucky enough to be invited to be interviewed on The Planeswalker Guide this week - check out as me and Amie talk BFZ Prerelease, EDH, venomous mammals and Buddhism.

You don't have to put up with this!

How do you cope with being the only female player you know?

That's the issue I faced a couple of years ago. Because I was the only female player I knew, I felt very anxious about going to play at a store (I have Generalised Anxiety Disorder, so I'm fairly skittish to start with), and being in a room full of dudes is something that girls and women are generally socialised to avoid.

But I love the game, and listening to Magic The Amateuring was consistently telling me that women like me can and did play Magic. So I'm terrified of going to a store but I'm sick of playing against my partner… What's a girl to do?

I started my own casual playgroup. I made a private group on Facebook and invited everyone I knew that played magic casually to play magic at my house once a month (it would be more often but I simply don’t have time!). Over time our decks went from unruly 60 card free for all decks and casual 1 v 1 decks made of what we had in our collections to me lending everyone a precon Commander deck to now everyone going nuts over EDH and a massive arms race.

However, I've also taken time to teach any women who I knew who showed interest how to play. Some have had fun but never played again, and other women join me for my monthly shenanigans. Playing more often with people I know and love has given me the confidence to start playing instores at FNM, and I'm also bringing friends along to prereleases and FNM as well. Because we are all in it together, it engenders a positive vibe as we already have friends at the store.

By trying to recruit my friends into my playgroup prior to them dealing with the realities of playing in a store, I've started to create the kind of LGS community that I want to play in. Where men and women play each other, have a tonne of fun and improve their game.